Misfit poetry

They think I have my life altogether.
Truth is, I’m just an empty body.
An empty soul,
Nothing more than a frozen heart,
cast into the snow and scathed by rejection.
I’m crushed. My mind has gone into a blur,
Everything is in a daze
And I’m so out of touch with my senses
I take a good look at myself in the mirror,
It’s been years since I liked what I saw there
I hate the reflection,
I hate the person looking back at me,
Even as I look one more time
It seems I’m just another stranger to myself.
I have suffered,
Tortured even in the depths of hell for eternities,
I’m not living
Barely even surviving,
I’m just trying my best
To make it out of here.

~Misfit ~

I have become the person my mom warned me about,
The kind of person I swore not to be,
I’ve become the monsters I used to check for under the bed
The same ones that woke me up at night and always appeared in my nightmares,
Yet I keep wondering why I can’t sleep at night.
But how can I when whatever tormented me in childhood,
now takes permanent residence inside me?
No one is safe around me
I’m dangerous to everyone
I’m a threat to those who know m’e
I’m destructive and a burden
My family and friends aren’t safe,
I have to protect them from future harm.
I hope they’ll understand the decision I have made
I hope they realize I loved them too much
To let them suffer at my own hands.
I hope they realize that was the only choice I had,
and the only thing I could do.
My best decision,
To redeem myself of all the things I had done to them
An atonement for all of my sins,
The sins that have always punished me.

~Misfit ~

I can’t get away. I want to run away.
They are chasing me, haunting me, killing me
And am slowly killing myself
Because I let the demons win,
I look at myself in the mirror and let the tears fall
I begin to cry. All these years,
I have known nothing but hate
I have felt nothing but pain
I’ve always kept to myself, never
disclosed my pain with anyone
But in hiding pain so deep, it
comes bubbling to the surface.
Is that weakness? Or a crack in my iron armour?
I let myself break down, perhaps letting it out may help
Am not feeling strong.
It’s nice not to always be the strong one.
Maybe I need to give in to the people I love and trust
So that I won’t have the burden of the weight of the world on my shoulders
I hope it works
I hope someone helps me this time round
I’ve had enough of being trampled on
I don’t know how much more I can stand and honestly,
I can’t handle any more hurt.

~Misfit ~

They think that I have my life alltogether
Truth is, I’m just an empty body. 
An empty soul,
Nothing more than a frozen heart
cast into the snow and scathed by rejection.
Am crushed,
My mind has gone into a blure everything is in a daze
and am so out of touch with my senses,
I take a good look at myself in the mirror
It’s been years since i liked what i saw there
I hate the reflection
I hate the person looking back at me
Even as I look one more time,
It seems I’m just another stranger to myself
I have suffered, tortured even in the depths of hell for eternities. 
I’m not living, barely even surviving
I am just trying my best To make it out of here…

~Misfit ~

We make mistakes.
We do bad things that have bad consequences
but that doesn’t mean that we are bad
people. Or we can’t be trusted
afterwards
Truth is, you will always
make some wrong choices. You can only pray
that the consequences are something you can handle.
And the pain that comes with them,
something you can bear.
You risk ruining your life with the choices you made
and you’ll have no one
but yourself to blame for that.
Lick the blood from your own wounds
and dry your own tears.
No one will do that for you.
Especially not the ones who caused you
pain
and that’s a promise.

~Misfit ~

I should be happy that I’m finally leaving
This place that has kept me so much underwater I almost drowned
Why, then, do I have a feeling of dread in my heart?

I should be happy am reducing the burden to mankind
And the responsibilities I’ve always weighed down people with

I love my family and friends alot
Hence I can’t stand their dissappointment
when they see the kind of person I have become
The pain in their eyes would kill me
It’d be worse than what am about to do

I hope they forgive me, for being a failure
For not becoming what they wanted
For letting them down
I hope they forgive me
For this decision I have made

I’m sorry if am not the daughter, sister or friend they had in mind
I only wanted to make them proud
But I’ve definitely failed them
I, now, want to leave

~Dark poet_413 ~

The better part of my childhood I spent watching soap operas from Mexican hoods
And that was where the fantasies began
But I must admit that the phillipines were better
though I did want to be like Don Pablo Escobar
My English teacher would say from grass to grace
I desired to feel and not with my ears,
What is this love? 
From Agape love to Ghetto love,
Radio love to Reggae love
And in my hood Genge love,
Which would be my Greek alpha and omega?
You see I’d never experienced this before
The older I got the more I craved to touch it
I wanted it but I didn’t need it
Then one day, one day it knocked at my door ,
That was day one and truth is I didn’t know what to do with it.
She introduced me to it
Like weed, one puff, one smoke, one dose
I felt like the actors underrated it
Dumb me, I thought I could stop when I wanted to – in a snap of a finger
I thought I was Superman, made of steel
I didn’t know what I was messing with
And one day, she left, my Maryjane, my drug
That was day one of my misery.
Withdrawal set in and I didn’t know what to do
It felt like life had been drained from a flower,
A furnace had been smoked out at once
My friend says you are either a weed person or an alcohol person, not both
The journey to seek a replacement was decided upon
I met cocaine, tried some booze, tried different versions of weed
Slept with opium in my arms
It felt great at first but non of this could compare
Withdrawal is like sinking in quick sand
I clung to my first hoping it to be a vine to save me,
But that is a story for another day
If you think I was a drug addict, my bad,
I was a love addict but I still cling to it;
I’m not that religious but my Sunday school notes review love as the greatest commandment.

~Misfit ~

It’s 1 in the a.m,the moon is full but why does it look blue?
Last night I peeped under my bed,
withdrew it’s covers, my eyes wild with confusion
searching for my bottle.
I had to, I was needy.
My demons were spinning my head,
gambling with my thoughts and
the clutch of fear in my nerves made the boy within eager to scream,
I was not willing to give into the darkness.
Finally in the struggle of rumaging through my stuff
I uncovered the bottle,
Two pills remaining…
I sat on the floor shivering as I gulped the last of the antidepressants,
my own saliva choked me. I’d promised
to guard my past, protect the traumatized boy
but the man had failed.
I let the devil play with him, and
I was loosing control.
For a moment peace settled with me
But I bet you too know that peace does not mean silence
Silence does not potray peace.
But, what next? Can’t help but freak out
with no money to get to the counter.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Suicide?
How I want to crawl out of my skin,
Run with the wind
Flee this cursed body,
it doesn’t seem to run out of air
Nothing feels right anymore,
show me the door to this cage!
I just want time to stop!!!
I guess I have to resort to cheap opium,
create my own illusion of freewill
before suicidal thoughts catch up with me.

~Misfit poet~

We were so happy as we said our goodbyes
Happier than we’d been in quite a long time,
Promised to meet again in the corporate world.
Little did we know that for some,
it was the last time we’d ever set our eyes on
each other.
So much happened that day, but I never once paused
to consider the damage it’d cause, until much later
when I realised the major significance of that day.
It was too late to turn back.
Is there something like fate? If yes,
What does it really want?
Make me meet people that I’ll possibly never see again?
Experience things I’ll never feel again?
What’s its aim?
In a span of 4 years, I met new people, whom I spent a major
phase of my life with.
Some we got along well, some we kept brushing shoulders.
Some I wasn’t aware of their existence.
It’s the year 2020, 3 years and counting and
things have changed. Am close to people I didn’t get along with,
closer to some I never talked to.
Some I used to be so close with,
are now strangers
And some, I dunno what happened,
or where they are now. I just hope they’re fine.

I don’t know if to blame fate

for not crossing our paths again,

for taking us in different paths,

for not giving us a chance to see

where what we had could have led.

I miss all those who made an impact in my life.

Most importantly, I miss my highschool friends.

All those I shared life with,

they are some of the best people I could ever meet.

I don’t know where to be grateful

for what fate gave me, even for a short time,

or curse it for what it robbed me.

Made me meet some of the best people in life,

then took them away

before I could see what their full capacity for love was.

I hope they’re happier now,

doing better and more at peace than they were then.

Am hoping life is treating them

kindly, softer.

Back then I was happier

It was easier. Better. Now everything is different.

I sit in silence trying not to cry my heart out

over everything. I miss them so much it hurts.

I will myself to forget all these memories

It’s in the past, I say. But it hurts more

to try and forget than to let yourself cry. Now I understand what they say

about nostalgia, that

whether you are thinking about something good or bad,

It always leaves you feeling a little emptier afterwards…

~Dark_poet 413/Soulless_soul

Behind every body compliment is a sexual statement,
How you use that information is none of my business
Try putting the hypothesis to test,
I lament of men who adulter in their heads just because you allowed the sun to kiss your thighs,
Adulting just because you wanted your titties to breathe,
Fornicating just because your full hips filled their hearts with lust,
I refuse to gorge out my eyes in the name of sin
And neither will I break my neck to glance at your beauty as you walk past me.
Why you dress, to impress or to express?
It’s your choice, it’s not your choice
Your truth is that you dress up for a man,
You hate it and you hate it that I say it,
When he fails to sexualize you in his compliments,
When lust fails to burn in his eyes,
When his thoughts are with another,
So you try hard to get noticed with your nudity in play,
Bums bubbly, rising and dropping
Singing him to play fetch,
You stretch your thighs out of that slit like a chicken leg,
How you curve your back in your conquest and reset your chest –
some of we prefer pawpaws to oranges,
And others prefer drinking from mugs than jugs –
The con of your eyes solidify your seduction.
Unfortunately for you there’s another course nearby
It’s a buffet out here with different meals,
There’s something for everyone and until you understand that,
you’ve failed in your neediness for attention.

Shame on me,
Shame on we Men
For enslaving her to dress up for a man.

~Misfit