Dark In the Night

It’s 1 in the a.m,the moon is full but why does it look blue?
Last night I peeped under my bed,
withdrew it’s covers, my eyes wild with confusion
searching for my bottle.
I had to, I was needy.
My demons were spinning my head,
gambling with my thoughts and
the clutch of fear in my nerves made the boy within eager to scream,
I was not willing to give into the darkness.
Finally in the struggle of rumaging through my stuff
I uncovered the bottle,
Two pills remaining…
I sat on the floor shivering as I gulped the last of the antidepressants,
my own saliva choked me. I’d promised
to guard my past, protect the traumatized boy
but the man had failed.
I let the devil play with him, and
I was loosing control.
For a moment peace settled with me
But I bet you too know that peace does not mean silence
Silence does not potray peace.
But, what next? Can’t help but freak out
with no money to get to the counter.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Suicide?
How I want to crawl out of my skin,
Run with the wind
Flee this cursed body,
it doesn’t seem to run out of air
Nothing feels right anymore,
show me the door to this cage!
I just want time to stop!!!
I guess I have to resort to cheap opium,
create my own illusion of freewill
before suicidal thoughts catch up with me.